I used to get to do this for a living…
It’s called a Pamper Pole. It’s typically 30 feet high once you get on the top of the shaking, swaying pole normally about 10 inches across at the top. This group was nice and built a small platform on top of the pole! After getting onto the top of the pole with no handles to help you (you’re not allowed to touch the safety rope–rope burns are nasty!) the objective is to jump for and catch a trapeze hanging between 7 and 9 feet in front of you.
As a ropes course facilitator for treatment programs and corporate team building groups, my job was to help them through the challenges, with emotional and physical safety in mind, and in a way that helped them individually and as a group. The philosophy is “Challenge by Choice” with encouragement but no coercion or pressure from the group to do anything that a person is not ready to do.
When persons would start to struggle and question whether they wanted to go on with the challenge or come back down, I would ask one question, “Which one is stronger, the want to or the fear?” Depending on their answer, we would either encourage them as they proceeded or celebrate their strength in setting a limit and caring for themselves by choosing to come down before “finishing” the challenge.
Starting any new venture can have that feeling of excitement and desire mixed with fear and trembling. With ropes courses, the safety is impeccable–stainless steel 3/4″ aircraft cable, 7×19 construction, rated at 14,000 lbs, harnesses and ropes similarly tested and rated, certified instructors, and stringent protocols. You could see the rope hooked into your harness, who was holding the rope on the ground, and all the gear designed to keep you alive and safe.
With a new business, not so much.
I recently came across a Zen proverb–“Leap and the net will appear”. I’ve been sitting with this idea in recent weeks as I’ve been finally making the leap to launch my business and SCIE–Spiritual Care Integrity and Excellence, the training curriculum for chaplains and other healthcare workers wanting to better incorporate quality spiritual care into healthcare.
My question has been this–“Where is the line between “leap and the net will appear” and personal responsibility? I never leaped from a 30-foot pole to a trapeze without a lot of time and care to ensure safety. At what point does a leap of faith follow the inner calling to go to a new place and how far does wisdom play in making sure I can pay the bills? How safe can one be when jumping into the unknown?
I once did the pamper pole in the complete nighttime darkness of the Texas Hill Country. It’s one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I might as well have been jumping off of a toothpick into the Grand Canyon. I could feel all the gear, my climbing partner had double checked everything, but I was blind to the ground, the trapeze, the ropes that held me, and there finally came a point that I had to decide I had done due diligence and it was time to trust my training, my work, the ropes, my climbing partners, and life and just take a deep breath and jump.
This week, I had the opportunity to ask my question of local Buddhist Priest, Flint Sparks–“Where is the line between ‘Leap and the net will appear’ and personal responsibility?” His gentle and quiet response…
“I would say the proverb differently–‘You are already held by a great net. Now, where will you leap?'”
The remaining lump in my throat relaxed, and it occurred to me that the Universe (higher power, the Divine, G_d, whatever concept or name best holds you) supplies my every breath, even when I’m not aware of it, have done nothing to earn it, and do absolutely nothing to make that happen. I just show up and breathe.
Perhaps, I can trust the Great Net to continue to hold me whatever may come.
In talking with another teacher, Paula D’Arcy, months ago, she pointed out that I was using “should” and “ought” language about the business decisions I was making and wondered if I thought there was just one path demanded of me. I smiled and said, “I’m getting caught up in the illusion of safety by trying to be perfect, aren’t I? I need to let go of wanting to get it all ‘right'”
She nodded quietly for a moment, and then said, “Hmmm, yeah, and then what will be really great is when you get past needing it to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ and just let life unfold as it will and trust it to be what it will be.”
*Gulp!*
I wasn’t prepared for that big of a leap. But it’s where I’ve been sitting the past few months, seeking to move to that even more expansive and daring and trusting space.
On a silent retreat recently, I read Paula’s book, Waking Up to This Day: Seeing the Beauty Right Before Us in which she discusses letting go of having expectations or judgments of life, and learning to let go of our old questions in order to ask new ones in any given situation, “What is Love asking of me in this moment?” and “What does Love have to teach me through this?”
Paula knows about the angst-filled “Why?!” Her husband and 2-year old daughter were killed in a collision with a drunk driver when Paula was pregnant with their second child. But thankfully, Paula also knows about healing through it. She became a grief counselor and now writes and speaks internationally to help others find access to greater healing and freedom.
So I’m leaping. I’m learning to ask different questions, trusting that Love and Life already and always hold me. Now I get to ask, “Where will Love ask me to leap, and what will Love seek to teach me as life unfolds?” Through all of it, I get to breathe the breath I am graciously given and remember, I am always held.
