Recently, on a plane headed to Atlanta to present SCIE™ to train chaplains and other healthcare workers for the Georgia Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, I listened this Krista Tippet interview Brene’ Brown for the broadcast, “On Being” from November 2012 (it’s about 51 minutes, so turn on the treadmill and enjoy!)

One particular quote from Brene’ so grabbed me, I played it again and again til I had it memorized:

“Feeling vulnerable, imperfect, and afraid is human; it’s when we lose our capacity to hold space for these struggles that we become dangerous.”

In all my trainings, the core is about being able to sit comfortably enough with our own pain or struggles so that we are able to sit comfortably with the pain and struggles of another.  If we cannot, we will ever-so-subtly need them to be or feel different so we can feel better.  We will tune out their need; we will defend and deflect and smile or joke past it…

…we will miss it.

For healthcare workers, especially chaplains, I believe when we do, we commit spiritual neglect.

To make invisible another person’s religious or spiritual pain is to leave them feeling disconnected, and according to Brene’s work, shame at it’s core is the fear of disconnection.  And when we leave someone disconnected, we leave them isolated and maybe even feeling judged and shamed.

How much religious shame could we prevent and help heal if we had more compassion and understanding, and could therefore hold more space, for our own vulnerabilities, imperfections, and fears? 

Free (okay, free-er) from our shame/fear of disconnection, we can walk quietly and peacefully with others, helping hold open the space within which they can find freedom from their own.

Paths of practice–

1.) Pick an object: a penny, a certain bird, a certain number.  Every time you see it today, take 20 seconds to breathe deeply and get your breath, brain, and butt in the same space (funny, I just realized I need to do this one in this moment!).  In that moment of calm, remember as much as you can your own worth.

2.) Notice when you find yourself wanting someone to be or feel different because of your discomfort, and try to spend just 20 more seconds being fully present with them, accepting them, and yourself, just where you both are, despite the discomfort.

3.) And when you find yourself struggling (because we all do), avoid shaming yourself…you are human, and OF COURSE you are imperfect…and it is ok! Just as it is ok for others to be imperfect.

Peace…